Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Cho Goes Pro

Cho, my man, you are just making this way too easy for me.

http://wsls.com/servlet/Satellite?pagename=WSLS/MGArticle/SLS_BasicArticle&c=MGArticle&cid=1173350907846

For those too lazy to read the link, this article is an interview with an “Escort” who was hired by Lo-Co Cho about a month before his rampage. She claims to have danced for him for about 15 minutes, at which point he went to the bathroom to wash up, and she said she was going to leave. Then he told her he had paid for an entire hour, tried to feel on her, and she got creeped out and left. Oh, and her name? Chastity. Good God, where do I even start?

First of all, are any of us surprised that Cho was going pro? Homeboy didn’t exactly strike me as the type who could walk into a bar and leave with whoever he wanted. What surprises me is that a guy who obviously could only get some when he was grossly overpaying for it didn’t know that when a hooker tells you her price is “$300 and hour” what she really means is “$300 per ejaculation.” Yeah, maybe technically you get an hour to finish yourself off, but most of us guys can do that in a relatively shorter amount of time. And they know this. A lot of times these whores (and I have no qualms calling them this since that is in fact what they are) will start faking orgasms and ask you to come with them in order to get out the door faster, but the more experienced John will drag it out to make sure she is working for their hard-earned cash. Not that I would know from experience, or anything. This is just what I hear. The point is Cho should have known this and when he came out of the bathroom should have immediately started berating “Chastity” for still being there.

Second, does anybody really believe all this girl did for him was dance? If I were Cho, I’d have been pissed off just at that. Unless he managed to find the one “escort” in the world who goes to seedy motel rooms to keep guys company and is morally opposed to being touched, this “Chastity” is about as full of shit as her name implies. I suppose with a moniker like that, he really should have expected it, though. “Hmm, Chastity. That sounds like she'd be down for ANYTHING.” Given Cho’s other demonstrations of logical reasoning, I guess we shouldn’t’ be surprised he had a small lapse of judgment on this one. Odds are she only became “chaste” when he wouldn’t fork over another two bills to hit it again.

And really, Cho. Going pro in Blacksburg? I mean, talk about a waste of money. I guarantee if you’d have spent some of that gun money on a trip to Miami, LA, Vegas or even a roadie to DC you would have gotten a lot better quality. So given the combination of your premature ejaculation, her refusal to do you again for the same few hundos you threw her the first time, and your post-ejaculatory realization that you’d spent your whole month’s allowance to bang a girl I’m guessing wasn’t much above a 4, I can see why you got a little pissed off. Most vicious acts of violence can be traced back to failure to achieve sufficient sexual satisfaction. But, again, Cho, showing an absolute lapse in judgment here, chose to take it out on his classmates rather than a hooker. Doesn’t he realize that guys who kill hookers take years to get discovered? He could have extracted his revenge on the world and lived to tell about it. Oh, that Cho.

Am I saying if this credit card whore had just sucked him off he wouldn't have gone berserk? No, but as my good friend Sgt. Biff pointed out to me there are no women and no sex in combat arms units in Iraq. Coincidence? I think not. It breeds rage and violence. So perhaps Freud really was onto something, and all of you who said Cho just needed to get laid may have a valid point. Let this be a lesson to all of you who are on the verge of going on a shooting spree and think an hour in a motel with a hooker will solve your problems: You’re not going to get the full hour.

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3 Comments:

At 11:33 PM, Blogger Paul said...

i love it when whores act like they're better than whores. kinda like a story i read a few years back about a 2 dollar whore in TJ biting some dude's peepee because he "disrespected her". one time in hawaii i was talking to one and i called her a hooker, and she got all pissy. i said "whats the proper nomenclature?" and she said, "well, im not a whore. whores are those girls who get all slutted up and go to the club. i'm a ho, so you can call me a ho."

roger that. ho. just for the record, you're not worth "two touchdowns" <- that's hooker talk for $200! their code is very complex!

there are no women and no sex in combat arms units in Iraq

True, but in a lot of forward deployed bases there are female support pogues, and some of those chicks are bankin' out there. in the port-a-johns. one girl got busted after making $20,000. supply and demand, gents.

 
At 6:58 AM, Blogger ANON1 said...

Me so horny.

 
At 11:39 AM, Blogger Kasko said...

For a guy ranting about the wealthy, it sure seems Mr. Cho had a bit of disposable income for a college student.

Just sayin.

 

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