Asking for Anal
There are some things I just assume people know about sex. Don’t finish in under 5 minutes. Don’t squeeze anything too hard. Don’t hold a girl’s head down while she’s giving you oral. You know, common sense shit that any guy who was ever forced to read one issue of Cosmo (or, you know, maybe had his own subscription) worth his salt in bed knows. But apparently one of the golden rules of sex is not known to as many guys as I though, and that is that you never put it in a girl’s ass unless you have permission.
Now I know that a lot of the modern-day rape laws require this of normal intercourse too, but that really does tend to dampen the mood. “Before I do this, I need to know that, yes, definitely, you want my penis inside you at this point. Otherwise I cannot legally continue.” And while most people have the sense to know when you have the proverbial green light when it comes to traditional sex, anal is a much touchier subject. While there are a good number of girls who are open to it, very few will just let you put it in without any prior conversation. Even drunk. If you try, you can typically expect a reaction somewhere between a quick pull away and a furious tirade that results in her grabbing her clothes, storming out the door, and talking shit about what a rude pervert you are to every girl in a ten mile radius. What I’m saying, gents, is it is not a good idea.
The problem, of course, is there are very few women out there who will just flat-out ask for it in the ass (but, oh, those ones who do). So it is hard, and a little intimidating, to gain consent for ass-sex without feeling like a dirty pervert. Then again, you probably are. Typically if the girl is someone you are dating, you have some sort of conversation about anal sex, be it a funny anecdote a friend may have told you, a porn you are watching, or maybe just something that comes up in the course of sexual conversation. However the topic is breeched, you must at some point learn what kind of locks she has on the back door before you try to break in. If she is down for it, then you can feel free to ask her during a subsequent encounter as it probably doesn’t even seem unreasonable at that point. And she may not say yes that first time, but don’t be discouraged: If she is into anal, at some point she will say yes.
In the one-night stand or fuck-buddy scenario, a simple fingering of that particular area followed by a “I want to fuck you in the ass” is fine. The worst the girl will say is no, and the times I have been rejected from this particular act were not exactly ego-shattering. If you think about it, it can be construed as a compliment. The point is, while there aren’t a plethora of girls who will say yes, they are typically not turned off by the request and are more than happy to continue fucking the way god intended. And it is DEFINITELY preferable to an uninvited anal attempt.
So, gents, the next time you are thinking you’d like to go back door on a girl, make sure you ask her first. Usually it requires some sort of lubrication and, shall we say, preparation of the orifice, and I don’t think there has ever been a girl who wasn’t a little surprised when you try and go in the other hole without mentioning it. Call it consideration, call it being good in bed, or just call it an offsetting to your perversion, but if you want anal you’d better make sure she does to. Or, as it is in most cases, is at least willing to do it.