Friday, May 18, 2007

Asking for Anal

There are some things I just assume people know about sex. Don’t finish in under 5 minutes. Don’t squeeze anything too hard. Don’t hold a girl’s head down while she’s giving you oral. You know, common sense shit that any guy who was ever forced to read one issue of Cosmo (or, you know, maybe had his own subscription) worth his salt in bed knows. But apparently one of the golden rules of sex is not known to as many guys as I though, and that is that you never put it in a girl’s ass unless you have permission.

Now I know that a lot of the modern-day rape laws require this of normal intercourse too, but that really does tend to dampen the mood. “Before I do this, I need to know that, yes, definitely, you want my penis inside you at this point. Otherwise I cannot legally continue.” And while most people have the sense to know when you have the proverbial green light when it comes to traditional sex, anal is a much touchier subject. While there are a good number of girls who are open to it, very few will just let you put it in without any prior conversation. Even drunk. If you try, you can typically expect a reaction somewhere between a quick pull away and a furious tirade that results in her grabbing her clothes, storming out the door, and talking shit about what a rude pervert you are to every girl in a ten mile radius. What I’m saying, gents, is it is not a good idea.

The problem, of course, is there are very few women out there who will just flat-out ask for it in the ass (but, oh, those ones who do). So it is hard, and a little intimidating, to gain consent for ass-sex without feeling like a dirty pervert. Then again, you probably are. Typically if the girl is someone you are dating, you have some sort of conversation about anal sex, be it a funny anecdote a friend may have told you, a porn you are watching, or maybe just something that comes up in the course of sexual conversation. However the topic is breeched, you must at some point learn what kind of locks she has on the back door before you try to break in. If she is down for it, then you can feel free to ask her during a subsequent encounter as it probably doesn’t even seem unreasonable at that point. And she may not say yes that first time, but don’t be discouraged: If she is into anal, at some point she will say yes.

In the one-night stand or fuck-buddy scenario, a simple fingering of that particular area followed by a “I want to fuck you in the ass” is fine. The worst the girl will say is no, and the times I have been rejected from this particular act were not exactly ego-shattering. If you think about it, it can be construed as a compliment. The point is, while there aren’t a plethora of girls who will say yes, they are typically not turned off by the request and are more than happy to continue fucking the way god intended. And it is DEFINITELY preferable to an uninvited anal attempt.

So, gents, the next time you are thinking you’d like to go back door on a girl, make sure you ask her first. Usually it requires some sort of lubrication and, shall we say, preparation of the orifice, and I don’t think there has ever been a girl who wasn’t a little surprised when you try and go in the other hole without mentioning it. Call it consideration, call it being good in bed, or just call it an offsetting to your perversion, but if you want anal you’d better make sure she does to. Or, as it is in most cases, is at least willing to do it.

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At 3:07 PM, Blogger The Diva's Thoughts said...

I am so not into anal. Yuck!

At 3:11 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

yea but what are your thoughts on cuban chicks and anal in miami?

hey marisol, lemme get some anal

At 4:21 PM, Blogger David in DC said...

Sex tip from an old guy:

When you're pleasuring a gal digitally, a well placed finger right on (NOT IN) her back entrance, for leverage, can get things started.

Slight pressure on that leverage finger may well intensify her orgasm. If it does, a conversation afterward might find her more open to experimenting with anal play down the road.

Fingers are less scary than toys. And a well-lubed toy is less scary than your hard dick.

Take it in stages, and you just may get there.

But you may not. For many people, like the diva above, "that's an exit, not an entrance" is a non-negotiable rule.

At 4:56 PM, Blogger ANON1 said...

Good post.

At 6:18 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I cant get enough.I love anal.The kinkier the better.My hubby is such a prude.I'll have to live with fantasizing about my dentist.

At 7:35 PM, Blogger The T Bag said...

What? No accompanying pictures?

At 12:52 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

This post is lame.

At 2:45 PM, Blogger aikin said...

this post - and the comments from the first anonymous paster - are hilarious!

On the other hand, the way things are going lately, I'd be happy to get some frontal, let alone anal....

At 12:49 PM, Anonymous Whhite Dade said...

Diva - My advice to you is to find a man who isn't into it either, then.

Anon -If a Cuban chick will do anal, I would consider hooking up wioth her.

DIDC - Thank you. Well put and I think our younger readers can benefit from your experience. Old Guy.

Anon1 - Thanks

Anon2 - That is not a good marriage.

T - This is not a porn site.
Anon3 - You're lame

Aikin - good luck with that

At 5:35 PM, Blogger Manola Blablablanik said...

WD, yeah unfortunately some guys think that all common courtesy should be dropped during sex.

At 1:40 PM, Blogger Alex said...

From my limited experience in Miami, I couldn't tell you about Cuban girls that were born here or came at an early age. But for those who grew up in Cuba, this particular activity was widespread. A combination of factors: the cult of virginity, which made many girls save their hymen for the "right" guy while still experimenting, the lack of contraceptives which made regular sex dangerous and the general boredom and lack of options which made people in my generation turn to sex and alcohol with abandon.

At 4:03 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is true of men too. My husband was really shy about anal play before we got married, and I had to graaaaadually show him what a woman's well-placed digit can do. He's addicted now, but he certainly was surprised the first time. I encourage all the ladies to take the men by surprise -- mix it up -- and show them who's boss. But I'm with you, Diva; I don't take it up the ass.

At 9:30 PM, Anonymous Anal In Atlanta said...

So - Last Anonymous - Let me get this straight. It's ok if a girl surprises her guy with the finger but, according to WD, a guy needs to ask before he slips her the anal. Double standard? I wonder what WD thinks......

And what do you do about fingernails? Keep 'em short? Just clip one?

At 12:10 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

sometimes you are missing some perspective.

here it is.

penises were created to (among other things) go in vaginas, and vaginas were meant to fit penises into.

asses were not. so it can really HURT. and be dangerous because of all the bacteria in an ass. if you rupture it she can get a serious infection.

good post - always ask, and understand that (just like demanding unsafe sex) there are serious health considerations for a woman. some will get pressured into it and really regret it. it's not fair and not cool.

of course, if you are in a relationship and ask, that's one thing. but yes, you're right, don't assume.

At 3:46 PM, Blogger David in DC said...

I can't help myself.

There's a Tony Randall quote from an old Odd Couple episode that fits this discussion to a "T".

Felix: Never ASSUME. When you do, you make an


out of





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