In other big news, I’m leaving Miami
. Those who know me personally knew this already, but for those of you who don’t, after 9 years I am saying goodbye to Dade County
. At least for now. We all know I can only avoid the crack that is Miami
for so long before I come running bac
No, the overabundance of Latin culture did not finally get to me. No, I am not finally voting with my feet and going somewhere normal. No, I am not in search of more white girls. If that were the case I’d never leave; I have almost a monopoly on the market. And no, this has absolutely nothing to do with any of the over 300 reasons I have listed that Miami is an awful place to live. Much as I complain, I love the damn place.
No, folks, this is a life-decision type thing. Over the past year I have been applying to graduate schools and got into most of them. Northwestern and Texas can eat a dick, that’s all I have to say. But the University of Florida was nice enough to accept me, and I accepted them back. And as of August, I will officially become a resident of Alachua County, Florida. So now I have yet another reason to absolutely fucking despise Florida State.
This will be the first time I have lived somewhere other than a major city. As in somewhere 110 miles from the nearest airport with direct flights to anywhere other than Atlanta and completely devoid of professional sports. Or traffic. So while my rants about nobody speaking English and nobody showing up on time for anything may be gone, I have a feeling they may be replaced by a whole new breed of rant. I have lost the ability to communicate with anyone under the age of 22 over the past year, just in time to move to a city where anyone who remembers Alex Keaton is considered “old.” I have also realized that Gainesville is sports-mad, which is the tell-tale sign of a city with nothing better to do than watch other people play sports. Have I mentioned that rednecks get on my nerves? And, seriously, if you’re going to call yourself the Sunshine State it should not get below 50 in the winter. What the fuck?
And have you seen the fat people in Orlando? And why the hell is it so goddam hard to get Gator tickets? At UM, the year after they won the national title and were ranked #1, you could walk up to the Orange bowl and buy off the scalpers for below face value. Don’t you North Florida Crackers have anything better to do? And have you BEEN to Tropicana Field? I thought baseball didn’t get any worse than watching it in the old Kingdome, boy was I wrong.
So I am not worried, folks. While I will be returning to life in the United States, surrounded by White girls and never hearing Reggeaton, there will still be plenty to rant about. I’m not saying to keep a lookout for “White Alachua” coming to you any time soon, but I may drop in my two bits every once and a while. Or four bits. Or six bits, a dollar. ALL FOR THE GATORS, STAND UP AND HOLLER!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Labels: Alachua County, Gainesville, Miami, UF