A White Girl's Perspective on Latin Guys

I have been asked, by more than one tall, blonde local girl, to do a post telling short Latin guys to stop hitting on them. The thing is, I really lack the proper perspective form which to write this as I am neither blonde nor a girl. Apparently, though, they find it kind of irritating. This bodes all the better for me, of course, because the overabundance of short guys hitting on them forces tall girls to go for the first guy over 5’8” they see, which is often me. At any rate, I suggested to one of the ladies who wanted me to do such a post that she write one herself. And so she did. What follows is what is going through the mind of a tall, attractive American girl when being hit on unsolicited by a short, Latin guy:

Being a tall, blonde-haired blue-eyed female, I would like to share my thoughts on the perplexing phenomenon of short Hispanic guys hitting on tall, hot, blonde American chicks. A pandemic that, while not unique to Miami, is more offensive when it occurs here due to the particular nature of Miami's social (ab)norms. I say "pandemic" because I can't think of one girl who's ever discussed this topic with me and expressed anything other than sentiments ranging from mild annoyance to downright personal offense.

The typical encounter generally proceeds as follows: Hot blonde chick (HBC) sits down at bar to await the arrival of her friend/date. She intends for her behavior upon entering the bar to place the various Hispanic men around her on notice that their overtures will fall on deaf ears should they be dumb enough to direct them at her. But the usual games of pretending to wait for a friend, or even better a boyfriend, fail 99 times out of 100 with most impervious-to-rejection Latin guys.

Despite HBC's careful analysis of the situation and resulting seat selection, she is immediately eyefucked by every Hispanic guy at the bar. And not a one of them has the decency to hide this fact from the Marta's and Maria's and Maricella's who either accompanied them to the bar or wish to accompany them home. So now poor HBC has to deal not only with the incessant eyefucking but she must also manage to act like she doesn’t notice the 10 fat Cuban chicks glaring at her while plotting her demise in the women's bathroom should HBC be dumb enough to venture there alone.

As said Latin Guy approaches, HBC makes an effort to avoid the impending uncomfortable encounter. She looks down at her phone (it must be on vibrate, because no one heard it ring), hits a button and starts talking. "Hey, Babe. Where are you? I got you a beer." She speaks slowly and in mono-syllables so that this guy, who is now brushing up against her elbow due to the fact that his concept of personal space is just as impaired as his ability to read white women, can understand that she’s talking to her man. Unfortunately, he doesn't care. He interrupts her phone conversation to ask her where she's from. (This is always a safe question with white girls, as it’s clear they usually aren't from here.)

That's it. HBC has had it. She might be polite, but this is downright insulting. Not only is she on the phone with her man but, even if she weren't, who gave this guy the impression that someone like HER would be interested in someone like HIM? Perhaps if she stands up he will see that she is a good 3 inches taller than his 5'5" and will immediately realize the err of his ways. So she does. Yet, instead of him mumbling some half-English excuse and running away with his tail between his legs, he says in that all-too-familiar Miami accent, "Wow. You're tall."

At this point, HBC doesn't even have to pretend to be a bitch, because she is thoroughly incensed that she has done everything in her power to discourage this interaction, to no avail. HBC gives said Latin Guy the cold stare she reserves specifically for unwanted male advances, turns back to her phone, and very loudly explains to her answering machine that "This short asshole next to me thinks its ok to interrupt someone in the middle of a conversation. What the fuck?!?! I know, I know. Seriously. As if I would go for someone like THAT. We've really got to find some new hangouts. Like maybe in Broward."

In the spirit of open-mindedness characteristic of this blog, I think it’s likely there is some underlying motivation behind this phenomenon that us white folk have failed to ascertain. Perhaps these guys just want to be seen talking to a white chick for long enough to convince that little gordita across the bar that, while he could go home with a white girl, he chooses her. Nothing gets a Hispanic girl's panties wetter than thinking her guy passed over a chance with a pretty white girl to be with her.

Or maybe he is angry with white women in general, for constantly acting as if height corresponds with dick size. Either way, maybe this pisses him off enough that he takes every opportunity he gets to make white girls uncomfortable. Or maybe, like White Dade, these guys just like to play the odds of the fact that there just aren't enough white guys in Miami to go around and so, at some point, an HBC is likely going to have to settle for a Latino.

Because it surely can't be the case that short Hispanic guys actually think tall hot blonde chicks are attracted to them….Can it?